Five days later…

I sit here, still in one piece, still heartbroken. We just returned home from Michigan. We had left on Saturday to be with my dad and the family and managed the five hour drive home today. It was the longest five days of my life.

Everywhere I went, people kept asking me, “How are you?”. Those three little words that I almost never want to hear again. I know that people were just trying to reach out because they cared and wanted to do something, but just was not sure what to do. How do you answer that question at a time like this? How can you truly, openly, and honestly answer that? I’d smile softly, and reply, “I’m doing o.k.”. However, I’m not o.k. Not in the least. I am drained; physically and emotionally drained. My body hurts from head to toe from sobbing so hard. I have muscles that hurt that I didn’t even know I had. My head throbs. I can be fine one minute and fall into tears the next with out warning. Right now I think any and every emotion there could possibly be, I’ve felt it in the last 5 days. Is that even possible?

It had been overcast, unbelievably windy, and rainy and we were driving back to the church from the burial. For a brief moment, the sun came out. I just started sobbing because the first thought that came to my head was, ‘I see you mom’. I felt that even though she was not with me in a physical world sense, she was still casting sunshine on my face, looking over me, telling me that it will all be o.k. I miss her, terribly. I don’t know that I will ever be o.k., at least, not about this, but I know that I will keep going. I will remember her and love her and keep her alive in my heart. Forever.

Collin Raye sings a song called Love Me. It has nothing to do with losing a parent, really, but the very last verse is one that rings true to me and I know my mother loved this song, just as I did.

“If you get there before I do, don’t give up on me.
I’ll meet you when my chores are through;
I don’t know how long I’ll be.
But I’m not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.
And between now and then, till I see you again,
I’ll be loving you. Love, me.
Between now and then, till I see you again,
I’ll be loving you. Love, me.”

One day I will see her again….

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~ by KarrieLyne on November 6, 2007.

3 Responses to “Five days later…”

  1. Just a lot of love going to you. My tears are shedding for you too. You are such a dear and tender heart, a real testament to your Mom.

    God Bless You,

    Dan Mosqueda

  2. Karrie,

    My heart is with you now and always. I am so sorry for your loss and wish I had the words to make it all better. If you ever need to lean on me, I am here. We can even sit in silence together if that is what you need. And if I ask how you are… you can tell it to me like it is, even if it is you’re sick of being asked how you are! Tell me to piss off if you need to. It’s ok, I can take it. And no matter what, I will ALWAYS be here for you! You are the sister of my heart and I love you!

    In my heart and soul I am always holding your hand.
    Love you my Baby Twin!
    Lisa

  3. A song that helped me, or at least I thought of a lot when I lost my mom was Brad Paisley & Dolly Parton duet of When I get where I’m going.

    “Yeah when I get where I’m going
    There’ll be only happy tears
    I will shed the sins and struggles
    I have carried all these years
    And I’ll leave my heart wide open
    I will love and have no fear
    Yeah when I get where I’m going
    Don’t cry for me down here”

    I cried everytime I heard it & in fact it kinda brings tears to my eyes right now as well 🙂 But I should hope it’d bring happy tears.

    My thoughts are with you in your grief. Truly my heart aches for you.

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