And it all comes tumbling down….

This will probably be the most difficult post I have ever done. So many things have happened over the last few months and just when you think things couldn’t get any worse. WHAM!!

Yesterday was the beginning of NaNoWriMo. I had planned to begin last night when I got home from work and complete my daily goal of 1667 words. I realize now, that the plans for my novel have taken a complete turnaround and new meaning.

My world has forever changed as of last night. I get home and was told I needed to call my dad right away. Well, my dad hardly ever calls so right off I was worried. I picked up the phone, dialed the number, to hear him answer in a terrifying voice. A thousand things went through my mind, but not what he was about to tell me.

He asked me if I was sitting down, and I said, “Dad, I’m ok standing. What’s wrong?”. He says, “NO! Sit down.”. I comply. At this point he starts crying and I get really scared. I say, “DAD, what’s wrong??”. He replies, “Karrie, your mom was in a car accident this morning. A really bad car accident. She didn’t make it.” The world stopped at that moment. I could not have just heard what he said. There is just no possible way. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t breathe. My body started shaking, sobbing. All that I could do was cry.

Right now I am just numb. I don’t know how to feel. I sit and stare thinking that there is no possible way she is gone. That I am just stuck in a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. That I will wake up and she will be there for me to hug again. I know, deep down, that I will never be able to hug her again. I will never hear her laugh again. What I will miss most, is watching my kids with her. She lived 5 hours away and we didn’t see as much of each other that we would have liked, but when we did, times were special. My kids adored her. She will forever be in our heart and I will love her forever.

I know now that I cannot sit and write fiction for NaNoWriMo. My mother died on November 1st, the start of NaNoWriMo, so my novel will be for her. Will be about her, about us and the family and our friends. So I never forget. How could I possibly write about anything else?

I love you, Mom! I will miss you. You will forever be in my heart, always on my mind.

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~ by KarrieLyne on November 2, 2007.

16 Responses to “And it all comes tumbling down….”

  1. My heart and prayers go to you, your family, and especially your children. There is nothing that can be said to ease your pain other than for you to know and understand many, many folks near and far feel for you and will support you when you need it.

    Yours with tremendous love and care,

    Dan Mosqueda
    Colorado Springs

  2. Surprisingly, I was praying for you for the last two nights. I will continue to do so.

  3. omg, honey … there is so little anyone can say to a loss this great! I am SO sorry for your loss. Having lost the person that was not only my closest friend but like a mom to me, I know the gap that will be felt within you. Your love will never go away, you’ll just become stronger each day. Let me know if there’s anything you need. I’m here. *sending love, strength, prayers, and the calm to get through this*

  4. I’m so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers to your father, you and all you family at this most awful time.

    *hugs*

  5. Karrie, you have my complete sympathy and heartfelt prayers. Nobody can know what this time will be like for you but you. Do not be afraid to take the time you need to try to repair the hole in your heart and the hearts of your children.

    Sending you big hugs and lots of prayers.

    Brenda

  6. Oh Sweetie. If you need ANYTHING, please let me know. My mom passed May 16th, 2004 from suicide, so I understand the loss you are feeling. If you need to cry, vent, yell, anything, I’m here. I mean that.
    With Love,
    Kate B.
    (knittwit)

  7. I was so sorry to hear of your loss. I think that the loss of a parent deeply changes us all. I hope you find the strength that you need to get through this. I think writing will be an excellent way to help you come to terms with this.

    Hugs for you.

  8. Hi Karrie,

    I’m terribly sorry for your loss; my thoughts are with you and your family.

  9. Words can not adequately express the sorrow I feel at your loss. My thoughts and prayers extend to you and your family.

    The world is, truly, a sadder place.

  10. shit. mother fucking holy crap shit. I am so so sorry honey. uhm well you may know i recently lost my grandfather. I know it’s not the same, the way we lost our respective loved ones- and what we were prepared for, what we could never expect. stuff’s kinda been getting weird for me. After your last blog post I almost thought of joining NaNoWriMo w. u, but i was too late. Maybe I will do it anyway now. I am off to a thing now. but just want to say I really love you and you know i am here if you need me. always.

  11. Karrie, I’m so very sorry — don’t even have words, and that’s my business. So many tears you will need to release in the days ahead … turn them into words so the memories of your mom will live forever. Thinking of you and sending lots of hugs your way.

  12. Our time on earth is too short.

    I am so sorry, for your loss. There is nothing that can be said that will make it easier. The hardest part is when our friends and loved ones are hurting, and we can do noting about it. You, Dave, the kids and the rest of your family are in our prayers.

  13. My thoughts & my heart are with you right now. My mother died a year and a half ago of an apparent heart attack & today would have been her 59th birthday. If you need to talk just message me on twitter anytime, I’m cassiurban.

  14. Oh, Karrie, I’m so sorry. I’ll be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

  15. Karrie,

    Oh, Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I just heard your news this weekend while I was doing my cancer walk and I added you and your mom to my thoughts on Saturday and Sunday. I know it’s not much, but I’ll keep you in my thoughts and prayers and I’m here for you if you need anything. I only hope that someday soon you can think more of the happy memories than of the sad shock this has caused for you and your family.

    Love,

    Laura

  16. Karrie, I’m so saddened to read of your loss. We’ll keep you and your family in our prayers!

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