A little rambling…

Here goes nothing…keep your expectations low,I’m not here to impress, just release and let go…

I haven’t posted in quite some time, and I’m not entirely sure why. The whole blog thing began for me “because everyone else was doing it”! Sad to admit, I know, but that’s my truth. The blog thing can be really scary at times, because it can show a part of me that I may or may not be ready to share, or maybe its the fact that by letting others read what I write, lets them see a little bit of me. Granted, one’s blog can be can be as impersonal as you want it to be, but anyone who knows me, REALLY knows me, is aware that I am anything but impersonal. Therefore, nor can my blog. So what I write, be it far and few between, comes directly from the heart. I don’t’ write just to add a post or to “participate” or to appease readers, or to be a sheep (even though that is where it began). I write to release my emotions, to connect, to find myself. Which is actually kind of funny when you look at my blog because, truth be told, my writings rarely end up posted. Most of my writings are chicken scratched on paper, mused over for a bit, and then thrown away. I guess a piece of me feels that if I write it down, absorb it, accept it, and then discard it, it will help me to come to terms. Maybe even help me deal with it better. Does it really work? **shrugs** I don’t know. I think so and I guess that is all that really counts. If I can just sit here and write with out thinking about WHAT I am writing (like right now), it’s a way to release, escape. I usually feel better after writing what reels through my mind. Keyword being “usually”. Sometimes I feel worse than when I began because of pure realization of my emotions and/or actions.

As I write this I go back and forth as to whether or not I will actually post this , but, I guess if you are reading this now, you know what my decision was and I decided to let you in, just a little bit. Letting people in is HUGE for me. Not just anyone gets that birds eye view, only those near and dear will get to see the REAL me…but here is where you will find bits and pieces of me…good…bad…ugly…all of the above! Part of the reason blogging scares me is because it opens me up to judgment and ridicule . Which in all honesty, terrifies me. My heart cares too much of what others think of me to subject my self to that. However, I also know that this can make me stronger. What is that saying? The things that don’t kill you, only make you stronger? Hmmmm…well blogging will not kill me, so I press on =)

“Tenderness and Kindness are not signs of weakness and despair, but manifestations of strength and resolution. ~~Kahlil Gibran


~ by KarrieLyne on October 3, 2007.

2 Responses to “A little rambling…”

  1. It takes a lot of courage to write so honestly and openly… much more than I have. Don’t throw those little scraps of paper away!

  2. Thank god for you, beautiful woman. I understand well all your concerns about what you expose to the world and how you may fear how you are perceived. What I found is that if it comes from your heart and it has meaning for you then it is worth being talked about. What has meaning for you is bound to have meaning for another, and that feeling that you’ve truly connected on a deep level with another human being is well worth the risk, I believe.

    The act of putting this kind of stuff out there is an exercise in a kind of therapy. The more you are able to embrace this process, the more you are able to learn more things about yourself, the depths of the meaning of you, and how to slowly get over that fear of risking everything. I say everything, but really maybe you are actually risking nothing at all.

    The people who draw strength from your words, and whom you draw strength for your words will support you in your endeavors no matter what. I have no doubt of this. Therefore, at least in my mind, the risk only comes into play in terms of how you will be perceived by those who really don’t know you, who you don’t know, at all, or may be quick to judge. There should only be meaning for you in the reactions of those who are a support to you, and not a drain on you.

    All in all the risk is nothing at all because one, the benefits, the strength that can be drawn from the process, for you and your potential readers, far outweigh the possible risks. Also, the risk only gets built up in your mind, based on how limited people might misjudge or misperceive you. At the end of the day, you aren’t in this for those people, you are in it for those who matter to you and who you matter to as well.

    Well I started this comment wanting you to know that I support you in you taking this risk, which hopefully will feel like less of a risk as you go on in the process. Also I wanted to tell you some things in the way of how it relates to me, that I draw strength from your words, and hope you can draw strength from mine.

    As I was about to conclude, though, I started to feel like I am not telling you things you don’t already know. Hopefully you will find it nice to have somebody else reinforce your thoughts, to help remind you that you are not completely insane in this process. Maybe one day we will have adjoining rooms at the asylum.

    I love you baby. Keep the faith and stay strong sweet heart.

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